When is a kiss NOT a kiss? When it's on Big Brother and becames the reality Tv equivalent of Hitler marching in and announcing he's going to eat some babies.
In this year's BB12 World War came when 2 single people - Aaron (looks like he should be in a L'oreal for Men advert) and Maisie (looks like she should be in an advert for Madonna's Tru Blue album) - without due thought, care or attention decided to indulge in some late night smoochery. This has caused no end of ructions, not least with Anton who did the TV equivalent of putting a glass to your bedroom wall when they neighbours are shagging. He sat up in bed at the mere hint of a rustling duvet to ensure he got all the action. Then made sure to spread the good word.
The news that Aaron and Maisie (Or Maron as the coupling terms should be known) locked lips then began to ripple across the house, knocking egos over in its path. Suddenly people who had never even met Aaron were huffed that he hadn't snogged THEM, when clearly he was already betrothed to them as his Mum once said he likes girls in blue pants.
Tom, previously the "jolly gay", found himself channeling Downton Abbey as his poor reputation was besmirched. He reviled that bad, bad man Aaron because apparently there was an unpsoken bond between them that meant that straight Aaron would never touch a lady whilst he knew Tom had a fancy for his pants.
Molehills became weapons of mass destruction and Faye (previously expressed no interest in Aaron "that way") and Tom suddenly bonded over all the ways Aaron had led them on - alleged neck kissing and hints of "when we leave the the house" had occcurred.
Frankly, I feel a bit left out. After all, I think Aaron looked at me down the telly and I think his stubble whispered "take me, I'm yours". I think I'll complain to the PCC that he led me on before heartlessly kissing a girl who's eyebrows have more in common with my hair than hers.
It seems that Tom had an entire relationship in his head with Aaron (Has he read Caitlin Moran's How to be a Woman?) and then felt his jealousy and put-outed-ness was only natural when his imaginary lover went off with a girl. Perhaps the papers will be full of other imaginary lovers of Toms? "Tom left me after he saw me walking home to my wife. He felt the way I asked him to press the button in the elevator had led him on" "Tom and I had a 3 year affair, though I only became aware of this when Tom told me he was ending it after he saw me marry Kate - Prince William exclusive".
Still, after this debarcle they all handled it maturely. The blokes made sex jokes; Maisie denied it happened; Tom threatended to punch Aaron's pretty face; Faye huffed in a sexually alluring fashion and Aaaron had a duvet surgically attatched to his head.
However, the paroxide soon wore off and Maisie saw sense and encouraged Aaron to talk to everyone and clear the air in an oddly mature fashion, which he huffily did. Tom clung to his straw to the last, declaring he was DEFINITELY led on by Aaron. (If he had a fan, i'm sure he would have beat it angrily)
And thus ended the saga of "the kiss", in which 2 grown, single adults who are friends snogged, and didn't let it affect THEIR friendhsip. What good is THAT to anyone in a reality TV show?
Can we all now get back to foccusing on the REAL issues, that of why DOES Alex speak like that and was Aden raised in a barn, did pigs teach him his table manners?
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