Tattle tail telling tales

Something on twitter - and online life in general - drives me absolutely batty. Actually, a lot of things do, hence my reputation for ranting in twitlonger. But the thing that's winding me up today is the concept of "talking behind someone's back".

In real life it's something that irritates me, and for years watching Big Brother it's always wound me up as well. In fact, it is the very thing that (should be health not be sucky) would stop me auditioning to become a contestant (there's also the fact I wouldn't want to poo in front of the nation, and I would go clinically catatonic without the internet).

For me, the whole concept of "talking behind someone's back" is - to put it bluntly - a crock of shit.

We ALL do it. All the time. Anytime you talk about someone and they are not in the same room and can hear every word you say, you are talking behind their back.

It is not neccesarily a bad thing. A lot of the time, I think it's a perfectly healthy thing.

I know in my own group of friends I talk behind the backs of my other friends, and I assume they do the same about me. I don't mind in the slightest.

The fact is, they are my friends, they want to stay my friends but some things I do annoy, bother, worry or bore them. That's fine, because obviously those things are not enough to outweigh the wonderousness that is me, or they'd simply drop me as a friend.

So, I think it's perfectly healthy for them (or me) to be able to have a wee moan and a laugh and roll their eyes at my foibles, knowing that DESPITE those things, they still love me.

Now, if they were telling other parties who DON'T love me negative stuff about me - without tailoring it with positivity - or spilling private information then that's a different kettle of fish as it's clearly being done to hurt me or belittle me as a person when they claim to love me.

Howver, when it comes to people I don't know well or don't love, I couldn't give a knat's toss about that. Why should I? If they don't like me, it's likely BECAUSE of the behaviours they are having a rant about. So they are entitled to that opinion or feeling and they are just entitled to express that - in what ever manner they like. I'm not going to change for them so I don't need to know about it.

I don't understand why i should WANT to hear about it. If they chose to tell me, fair enough. But why should I DEMAND to know every person's opinion of me? It's ego of the highest order.

And this is where the internet aspect of it comes in. People seem to be under the impression that the internet is the equivalent of one big room, and as we're all in it, we should all be allowed to hear and partake in every conversation going.

It's not accurate at all. It's more like a massive city, with houses and buidlings and rooms. Some are public with many people in them, some are privvate and you can only enter with permission.

If someone is talking about you on the internet, there is absolutely no need for them to address you specifically, or make you aware about it. It's like someone is talking about you at the bus stop, and you happen to walk past and hear them. Are you going to berate them for talking about you and not TO YOU, simply because you exist in the same world as them?

If you saw someone in the street you didn't know, and they were behaving in a way you didn't like - nothing illegal or immoral, just not your taste - would you feel the need to go up to them  and TELL THEM? Or would you go home and tell a member of your family or a friend about the rude person you saw today?

I don't know about you, but about 75% of what I talk about is other people - their lives, their actions, their feelings - I'm not going to go and find each one and tell them everything I've said about them.

It's exactly the same on the internet. Blog and social sites like Twitter exist for people to be able to express themselves freely, without cencorship. (well, to a degree)

On the other hand, it is important to remember that unless you set your tweets to protected - or the equivalent on other sites- what you are saying IS going out into the ether for all to see.

That's not to say you should watch what you say, self-censorship or have to justify your every thought. It merely means that you can't expect not to be JUDGED on what you say and do.

Just as the example of the person on the street, we make judgements about the people we see in life and online every single day. It's how we decide who to be friends with, who to socialise with and who to agree with.

You can't get angry when people judge you on your words or actions and decide they don't agree with you, or like you very much.

There was in fact a legal precedent set recently where someone who WAS being judged by her tweets, tried to bring a courtcase over those judging her. She lost, because her twitter account was public and the words were her own and truthful, so people were allowed to make a judgement call from that.

As I said above though, what we DON'T have a right to is to demand people explain why they don't like us, demand they give every thought about us to our face and act betrayed when they don't.

Unless of course you HAVE told every single person you've ever encountered what you have ever thought about them? From your first teacher, to your granny, to the man who served you in Starbucks. No? You haven't? Then the hypocrisy that you accuse others of is staring you right in the face.