Beck, the scientologist nutter, is quite right

I had planned to start this blog with an introductory post about me, my life, who I am, but due to unforeseen moronic circumstances, I am delaying it in favour of the stuff that is currently top of my brain, like a tupenny falls machine being shoved off the edge by the thoughts building up behind it. Last in, first out.

So, forgive me, you will have to wander into my life like tuning into a film half-way through (and you can't even look up my plot on Wiki....at least I hope not. *Googles self* No...no, you can't.). We'll do the blog version of catch-up/+1 another day.

Yes, as the title says Beck and some random internet people are right. I AM a loser - but don't kill me.

I lose many things. Largely socks, hairbrushes, ballpoint pens, money, my sense of direction, my dignity, hope and - in this instance - patience.

I have lost patience with people who think it's fun and funny to go through life demanding what they want, giving not a thought for others on the way, and then hold their hands up with a poor-me "whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?" when you mention it may not be the nicest of behaviours.

To be honest, I am by nature a pretty patient and forgiving person (too forgiving my brother has always said) and I can veer into the territory of bleeding heart liberal with my instinct to understand and tolerate bad behaviour in many people. But even Saint Me is pushed to my limits. I have my buttons which can be pressed.  And ingratitude, a sense of entitlement and selfish, self-centred behaviour is right up there.

There are lots of behaviours I can witness without feeling the need to butt my over-sized arse into, largely when I think it's deliberately being done to provoke a reaction, or I can see the person exhibiting it is coming from a bad place and is acting out.

One of the main reasons a lot of other people overlook unsocial, unpleasant behaviour is because the perpetrators are young. "They're only young, they don't know" "Oh they're just young and having fun."

Well, you know, my niece is 3. When she was visiting recently we were playing Prince and Princesses (short but complex story mixing dragons, Sleeping Beauty and sometimes Spiderman and the Green Goblin). I - thinking I was being fabulous imaginative Auntie - took the story into an unexpected turn. This was not so fabulous, apparently. Niece didn't like it, shouted at me for doing it wrong and stormed out of the room in a huff because the game was not going the way she wanted it to.

2 minutes later she came back into the room with a sorrowful look on her face, gave me a hug and a kiss and apologised for her behaviour. No one had told her to do that, she had come to the conclusion herself that she was not behaving or playing nicely and you don't do that to someone who is being nice to you.

Now, if a 3 year old can come to that realisation herself, why can't grown young men and women?

And if it is coming from a place of ignorance, I can understand that, but the only way to solve ignorance is education. So, I felt I had to say something. And I have. This means that, like warnings to a toddler, if they do it again they are aware what they are doing is wrong and so there's no more excuses. And we can only assume their intention is either to deliberately hurt or - as I suspect is the case - they simply don't give a rat's ass about the feelings or happiness of anyone else but themselves.

Oh, while we're here let me also briefly (*snerk*) touch on the subject of jealousy. Whilst being a loser, I am also jealous. Yes, I am.

I am jealous of Jodie Marsh and her ability to earn a good living from seemingly being an utter twat.
I am jealous of my friend's husband, Lee, who exists entirely on a diet of meat, potatoes and Pepsi - not a single fruit or veg in sight - and yet is as thin as a rail, horrificly healthy and has all his own teeth.
(or course he could drop dead before 40 in which case I will no longer be jealous of him, but will be jealous of my friend who will be quids in with a massive life insurance and will no longer have to put up with her home-cooked meals being thrown against the wall)
I am jealous of people like the stunningly beautiful Adele, who can move people to their core by simply opening her mouth.
I am jealous of every woman who ever slept with my husband (uh before he WAS my husband, I hasten to add) because part of me wants to be his only ever. (but on the other hand, you taught him well ladies- thank you)
I am jealous of Brian Froud and other fantasy artists who can create such beautiful ugly creatures out of their imaginations and depict them in watercoloury gorgeousness.
I am jealous of people who I know who are just "ok" in the personality department but who seem to attract millionaire friends like wasps to jam and get massive cash hand outs with the simplest bat of an eyelid.
I am jealous of people who have 2 toilets in their home
I am jealous of people who can go about their every day lives, going to work, going shopping, meeting friends - all in one day - without having to ration their energy or know that every minute of good time will be met with an hour of painful recovery afterwards.

Yes, there are people I am jealous of, but none of them were at a party in London on Friday night.